Lately (+ a Connor update)

I’m finally showing my face around here, friends, after a little break. It was unintentional as this summer has just totally kicked our butts. We’ve had unexpected home repairs on top of unexpected home repairs on top of preparing for a big planned project. We’ve had some illness in our expended family and lots of extra time with Madeline. Swim lessons to go to and camp drop off and pick up. And doctor’s appointments. More on that below. Its been a full summer. I just love the phase that both of my kids are in right now. Madeline is so energetic and fiercely independent. She keeps us on our toes. And Connor’s little personality has really came out and it is so, so fun watching him learn new skills all the time. He is such a laid-back little man and everything just seems effortless for him, although I know it won’t always be that way.

On that note, we have been very consumed lately navigating a new challenge in our household. We recently learned that our little Connor has an allergy to peanuts.

Peanut allergies are so common today and one of our very good friends has a child with a peanut allergy so I was very surprised by how much we didn’t know and have had to learn so far. It is literally life-changing.

The way we have to do everything is completely different now and we have all had to learn and adjust a little so that we can keep our favorite little boy safe.

More to come on all that later but let’s back up about six weeks, shall we.

At our six month appointment, our pediatrician told us we needed to start eating a teaspoon of peanut butter three times a week. These are the current recommendations based on a study form 2015. I remember when it’s findings changed the recommendations because at one of Madeline’s appointments we were told no peanut butter until two years old and then a couple months later it was recommended we start it right away to prevent allergy.

So, we did as we were told and I took a deep breath and offered Connor a spoonful of peanut butter the next week. And he loved it.

So I kept giving it to him as directed. He kept loving it. Then, one morning he had his little morning dose of peanut butter before starting his breakfast and within just a few minutes I noticed that his eyes had gotten really red. He kept scratching at them like they were itching. Then the faintest of rashes spread just around his mouth and one little hive on his cheek.

I picked him up from his high chair and he just kind of collapsed into my chest. Of course I started to panic and immediately called his pediatrician. While I was waiting on them to call me back I called Corey and before my eyes – just as fast as it had happened – it seemed to un-happen. His eyes weren’t red anymore. The rash and little hive were gone. He was smiley and back to himself. This was all within a span of about ten minutes.

The wait for an allergist appointment was nearly two months long. However, with some help from a friend and a little persistence we were able to be squeezed in a couple weeks later. In the mean time the peanut butter lid stayed closed in our house.

By the time that our appointment arrived I was starting to doubt myself and was wondering if the whole thing had been in my head. I talked to pharmacist friends and nurse friends and none of them thought he would test positive based on my recollection of what happened.

He actually got his very first tooth the next morning and a part of me hoped that this was one of the million crazy symptoms of teething somehow.

But, I kept looking back at that picture in my phone and at his eyes and I just knew. Madeline has really sensitive skin and as a baby she would get a rash if she ate things that were acidic, like tomatoes. But the red, itchy eyes. She never had those.  They haunted my thoughts.

So the day of our appointment came and I took Connor over the the allergist’s office during his nap time. From our “interview” leading up to the testing I started to feel so much better. I really felt like our answers were the right answers. Yes I ate peanuts while nursing. No he never had eczema. He didn’t have any other symptoms of an allergic reaction. No upset stomach. No vomiting. No swelling or coughing or sneezing. No he hadn’t eaten more than usual that day. Yes he’d been tolerating them just fine all the other times. Yes he’d always eaten it straight from the spoon.

I almost felt better.

But his sweet little eyes. So red and watery and itchy. I just couldn’t get them out of my mind.

We did a full nut panel for his testing and the control showed up right away. Minutes passed. I kept holding my breath. Then, a little bump popped up in the skin test panel. The nurse came back in and didn’t say anything. We waited six more minutes. The allergist came back in. Positive.

Luckily, Connor is only allergic to peanuts and we really hope it stays this way. We confirmed his allergy with a blood test after and to get some baseline data. That was probably one of the worst moments of my life – not the results but having to hold my sweet, innocent babe down while they drew a vial of blood.

And that was that – our life literally changed forever.

I cried the whole way home. I kept picturing Madeline trick or treating last year – twirling in her Belle dress on every one’s front step and eating her chocolate for days.

I thought of our Target dates and how I always get her a cake pop and myself a coffee. I had just pictured being able to indulge Connor the same way some times.

Ice cream parlors he won’t get to visit. Cupcakes he won’t get to eat at all his friends’ birthday parties. How that sugar cookie basket at the checkout at our  grocery store will forever be off limits due to cross contamination in the bakery.

These are things that never crossed my mind until we were on our way home – experiences I was able to give Madeline that I just completely took for granted.

My heart just broke over and over that first week every time I realized another normal kid thing that he won’t get to do because of something that no one can control and certainly isn’t his fault.

Now, I want to pause and say that I understand this is not the end of the world. I personally know parents dealing with far scarier challenges with their children so this is really just a little hiccup in the whole scheme of things. Our baby boy is healthy and I am so, so grateful. But, it is still just so emotional knowing that life will be harder for your child, regardless of why.

And its downright scary. Peanuts are everywhere and people really love their peanuts. They also often really don’t understand allergies. I’m so surprised by how resistant so many people can be to accommodating food allergies. I read a story from a mom whose son was chased around at school being tormented and teased by a child trying to smear peanut butter from a cracker on his face and another of a child who was terribly bullied at a youth group retreat for not eating a Snickers as part of a game. And still another of a toddler who went into anaphylaxis at a park from coming into contact with peanut protein on the handrails of the slide.

Now that we’ve made it through that first couple weeks we are all doing a little better and figuring things out. It really has changed everything (there is cross contamination in almost everything that is at all processed) and we are learning what products and brands are safe to have in our house. I’m also dusting off my KitchenAid mixer to do some baking again – which is actually kind of fun since I used to bake a lot.

Connor is too young to know any different and Madeline seems to kind of understand the situation, especially since one of her best friends is also allergic.

I am definitely losing sleep at night, though, as I lay in bed thinking of different ways my child could come into contact with the peanut protein and get very sick or even die. I have woken up more times than I care to admit to go down to the pantry and check what brand of all purpose flour we have (some are not safe) and searching our local allergy Facebook group for which pizza places in town are safe for our family. I’ve had nightmares of babysitters bringing Reese’s Cups or Snickers into my house or of him some how how taking a bite of someone’s pbj when he starts preschool. Not to mention questions I need to ask his allergist.

We still have a lot to learn and this diagnosis has kept me very busy over the last couple weeks as I just get a handle on everything I need to know to keep my little love safe. He’s still as smiley as can be, though, and doesn’t seem to notice that a thing has changed. We sure do love our little, Connor.

Moms – are you familiar with food allergies? I’d love to know your favorite snacks, treats, and recipes below.