To Madeline, on her last days as an only child

Dear Madeline,

Tonight as I lie in bed I find myself thinking about another night almost three years ago. I awoke knowing something wasn’t quite right and realized my water had broken and you were on the way. I remember waiting on the doctor to return my message pacing back and forth in our home looking at my sleeping husband – your Daddy – while I hurried to make sure everything was ready (your room, my bag, my manicure) and realizing that our lives would change forever in just a few hours.

You have brought the most amazing changes to our lives and you fit so perfectly into our little family that it seems as if you have always been there.

You are the answer to so many prayers and you know you are our “favorite girl” and a perfect combination of myself and Daddy. You are silly and loud like Daddy but also sensitive and affectionate like me. You have Daddy’s expressions down to a tee but my coloring.

I like to think you and I have kind of got things down. We have our little routine during the week while Daddy is away and I’m so grateful for that time together. It wasn’t always easy – in the beginnings those weeks were long and hard but now I think of you as my little Target buddy and dinner date. 

You complete us and there was a long time where we thought we might not have any more children. When we finally decided we wanted to add another little one to our family, I feel like I wanted it more for you than for me and Daddy. I’m sure there will be moments where you will think “Geez. Thanks a lot.” I know it will be an adjustment and a crash course in patience and sharing but I also feel you are about to get the greatest gift we could possibly give you and it is a gift that I never had.

By having a sibling you will always have a partner in crime at the dinner table, someone to entertain you in the car on road trips and splash with you at the pool on vacation, and someone who totally understands and can commiserate about what it is like to have me and Daddy as parents.

I know this change will be such an adjustment for you. Right now, you love being the center of our world and as the only grandchild on both sides you are the center of a lot of people’s worlds. You want to be held and snuggled by mama, chased and danced with by Daddy. You love being rocked in your rocking chair and cuddled before bed. It makes my heart hurt when I think that I won’t have the time to indulge all of these demands every time soon. I have a hard time imagining sharing myself with another person when you have gotten such a huge piece of me for nearly three years and I can’t help getting a little emotional about all of it. 

But, I know we will both do great at this adventure, even if we stumble a little bit at first. You are strong-willed and a little bossy, compassionate, intelligent, and a born leader. Your very personality shows me that you were always meant for this role of big sister. 

I hope you can understand that you are not being replaced or becoming any less important. Even though there will be a new baby in our home in a matter of days, you will always be my baby. And you are the baby that showed me that I could be a mom. There are some days I don’t feel like the best one. And there are some days where I feel like I am totally failing. Yet, every day you snuggle right up to me and show me that I must be doing all right after all. It might be a little bumpy at times as we all adjust to our new normal, but you will always be our favorite girl. 

We love you, Madeline. I know will be an amazing big sister. But until that day comes, I’m going to snuggle you a little closer and rock you a little longer.

Love, Mommy