3 Lessons I’ve Learned about Grace this Year

It has been nearly a year since my accident and I can finally say that it’s pretty much just an unpleasant memory now. But, boy did it teach me a thing or two this year.

1. Don’t be too confident because you aren’t in control. The month leading up to it was my biggest month ever in my business and was a huge Teachers pay Teachers month, too. I earned well over what I would have netted after childcare if I had stayed at my previous job and I had my sights set on matching my previous salary within the next couple months. I’m not the kind of person who is always waiting on the other shoe to drop so when things are going well, I don’t really anticipate when they won’t be anymore. This really put me in my place and reminded me to be more grateful for what I have and not take it for granted.

2. Have patience. In the seconds after the accident, I felt a lot of confusion. So many thoughts ran through my mind. Man, I’m not going to make my mani pedi. How long is this going to take before I can get to Madeline.  We just bought this car – Corey is going to be so upset. What in the world just happened? How could this man prioritize whatever was so important on the screen of his phone over my family? One second I was stopped in traffic sipping on a Le Croix and the next I had hit my head and was watching a man crawl out of his car through his deployed airbags to try to get to me to check on me. Even then, I never anticipated it would take nearly a year before I was actually healed from my own injuries. I’m not a patient person when restrictions are put on me and I really had to train myself in patience and trusting my own health in the hands of other people.  Not being able to complete my regular workouts without specific modifications made me feel defeated and not being able to lift my child without intense pain tested my patience more than anything ever had but I learned that sometimes you just have to have faith in the process and wait it out.

3. God’s plan isn’t always your plan but that is ok. I had to work with a neurologist and he often reminded me not to make any big decisions because your emotions and judgement are so out of whack after having a concussion. When I contemplated changing jobs at Christmas, I second-guessed myself. Was I really wanting to do something different? What about that paycheck I was earning every week that I had worked so hard for? Did that really not matter anymore? If something was bothering me, I was hesitant to bring it up because I wondered if it was just because I was more easily agitated or overly sensitive. When I felt like I knew what I wanted or what path I was meant to take, I second guessed myself and wondered if I’d be happy with the decisions I was making months down the road. I really had to put my trust in God’s hands and believe that he would lead me where I needed to be. 

So, here it is, a year later and things are pretty much back to normal. My treatments are finally finished. I feel almost like my old self – I still have intense anxiety when I see someone using their phone while driving, even if I just see it when watching Instagram stories safely at home. I also have so much anxiety about Madeline being in the car without me – which is kind of irrational since she wasn’t even in the car during the accident. I just know too much about car accident related injuries now. My claim is almost closed and I have a safe car to drive. Things are pretty much life as usual again but I definitely have a little different perspective about handling things when the control is taken from you. And I feel a lot more grateful for when life is good, now, too. It’s pretty easy to have faith, trust, and patience when life is good. But it takes some grace to have those things in a time of struggle.